Shadow

I finally have a brief moment to say hello.

We're in Canada with my parents. We are here to hold their hands as my step-dad passes. It is hard...for him, for my mom, for all of us. I didn't know that dying could be so laborious. I can see that he's ready to go but his body isn't there yet. I wish I had something incredibly insightful or uplifting to say but the truth of this is that it is all so real and painful. There is nothing I can do to lift this up into something it's not.

A few years ago, he gave each of us this poem:

"A little while and I will be gone from among you, whither I cannot tell. From nowhere we came, into nowhere we go. What is Life? It is a flash of a firefly in the night, it is a breath of a buffalo in the winter-time, it is as the little shadow that runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.” (Crowfoot, Chief of the Blackfoot Nation).

I am so grateful for every moment that I have had with him.

Aloha-Hee (or however you say goodbye in Hawaiian)

Actually, I tried to look up goodbye in Hawaiian and apparently it doesn't exist. Not surprising because how could anyone want to leave?

We are now feeling very sentimental about our last night in Hawaii. It's been quite the trip and hard to believe we're leaving. In the last couple of days (as Taeya's been feeling better and we've been getting some sleep), we've taken to swaggering our way around the resort and proclaiming loudly to anyone who will listen, especially the latest wave of tourists (the shame of being surrounded by tourists in our home...oh, sorry, I've also become quite delusional), that we have in fact been here for THREE entire weeks.

We are going home, albeit briefly - actually more a clothes exchange than anything else. And then we are off to Canada on Monday to give my Mom a big hug. We've rented a place up there and I'm not sure how long we'll be there for. We'll see how things go. So our jet set life continues (it looked better in the magazine).....

But we are grateful that we can go where we need to go when we need to go there. So with gratitude in our heart we will plunge forward into this next flurry of plane rides and time zone changes. Wish us luck!

Groundhog Day

You know that movie with Bill Murray where he is forced to repeat Groundhog Day over and over again....well, that's us except instead of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, we're in Hawaii (an infinitely more pleasant scenario). And fortunately for us, we've very quickly accepted the wonderousness of our situation and that the fates (Taeya's eardrums) have stuck us here for yet another four days. Taeya's first antibiotic didn't work and so, after visiting with the doctor this morning (and having her proclaim that yes, in fact, Taeya's moderate ear infection is now a doozy of an ear infection full of nasty and agressive bugs), she is on a new antibiotic and we have postponed flying until Saturday. The poor thing is so uncomfortable but she's being so good about it. Unfortunately, this also involves lots of middle of the night moaning which then evolves into playing (because moaning gets dull after awhile). So, Steve and I are exhausted but trying to embrace and enjoy the sameness of our days here in paradise. And, because we have a sick babe, sameness is the jeu de la jour. Same staff (Helloooooo Mrs......how are youuuuu today?), same breakfast buffet (scream FISHIES at the fish tank when you first walk in and cry when taken away from them to go to your table, throw food across the room, yell at the top of your lungs that you see a bird 10 feet away, throw some more food, yell that you are finished eating and demand that someone takes you to the ocean to play...and that's just me), same pool, same nap, same lunch, more pool, more nap, dinner and then a short sleep before the midnight rumba commences. Repeat, rinse and start over at 6:30 am.

But, as I said, we have accepted and begun to enjoy this additional holiday that we're on. The weather is always the same (beautiful), the hotel is always the same (beautiful), and if it was not for the haggerdness that comes with being parents, we would look as shiny and bright as all the other honeymooners (who Steve keeps badgering to have children and then informs them that they will never look beautiful or sleep again).

In the spirit of our Groundhog Day-type evolution, we even made friends with a family yesterday and they invited us over for dinner. They are from San Jose and have a very cute 10-month old boy named Brady. We had a fabulous bbq with them and the night ended with Taeya and Brady kissing (on the mouth! Steve fainted then searched blindly for his shotgun). Wedding announcements to follow....Sadly, they left today so we are friendless again but now have hope and are scoping out this latest group of newbies.

I have many pictures to upload (Steve and Taeya in the pool in the morning, Steve and Taeya in the pool in the afternoon, rinse, repeat) but I'm too tired tonight so I'll try to do it tomorrow. I'm off to put on my dancing shoes and climb into bed.

Trapped In Paradise

Well, we said goodbye to the family and sent them on their merry way to the airport and then packed our bags to move to another room.....Taeya has an ear infection and we have been grounded here until it clears up. Trapped - well, there are worse places to be and I certainly have no reason to complain (even with a whiny girl monkey wrapped around me most of the day) and so we are definitely making the most of it....







But, as I said, trapped. We feel like we're stuck in the black hole of vacationland and can't get out. For six weeks now, we've been living out of suitcases and with family (which of course is wonderful but...). We miss our home, what we can remember of it, and we miss having things to do in the course of a day. Responsible things like paying bills and meetings and grocery shopping. I feel guilty as hell writing this because isn't this what most people dream of? but we're done. Anyway, all that being said, it is still beautiful here and Taeya is being a trouper with her ear infection (which unfortunately seems to get worse by the passing hour). So, we'll be here for a few more days and I'll continue to post pictures from Fantasy Island (de plane, de plane.....ok, I am now officially an old person)

Drag Racing Up The Kona Coast

Bubbe won.....













Yesterday was Sheila's 60th Birthday Party Festival Celebration and it was fabulous. We had a hawaiian party at our villa so those of us with babies didn't have to deal with the stress of being in a restaurant.















Taeya is completely enamored by her cousin, frantically signing "baby" over and over and over and over again every time she lays eyes on her. It's crazy to think that soon we won't notice any age difference at all but for the moment, Sofia is definitely the baby to Taeya's burgeoning toddlerhood.






As wonderful as Hawaii is, it's hard to keep my head and heart here. Instead I find myself wandering up to Canada and trying not to worry - which means I worry and then chastise myself for worrying. I also think a lot about my friend who is about to have her baby. I am so excited for her and this new life that's arriving. It's such a balance - life. I try to find as much gratitude in the exiting as the entering...gratitude because I want to focus on how grateful I am to have been blessed with this person in my life. But it's hard to remember any of it in the face of such consuming sadness.


Hmmm...I'm supposed to be uplifting and distracting so, the good news is that my daughter is an accessorizing princess: (although I'm the one carrying the bag so maybe I'm the princess?)








Also, my husband has been so great and wonderful and supportive and I just felt it needed to be said.







Oh, and last but not least, the wheelchair ramp that the Four Seasons built for us (in a day!)

Anyway, I'll try to post once more before we leave. Aloha ~

Aloha!

I am finally (I think) connected and able to post pictures...but, as I was writing this same sentence a minute ago, my connection dropped and safari shut me down and I lost everything so we'll see what happens. Anyway, Aloha! It's gorgeous here but soupy humid which makes being outside gross unless you're submerged up to your neck in water. Thank god for air conditioning. Halloween was a blast! Happy belated Halloween :-) Taeya and Sofia went trick-or-treating with the big kids around the hotel (from beach bar to beach bar) and everyone cooed appropriately.





























....hmmm, well my connection dropped again and I'm now trying this two days later. Since then, we've had great pool time and family time.



























Unfortunately, Sheila fell and shattered her knee cap and fractured her wrist and now needs surgery. So, we're all worried about her and just really focused on taking care of her. (I only have xrays to show you but really do you want to see them?...although they are impressive.) Fortunately she is feeling ok and we're still enjoying spending lots of time together. The hotel spent the day building her a wheel chair ramp (seriously! It's very impressive) and we're looking forward to taking her out for a spin tomorrow :-)